Donkey Punch

January 15, 2009

Wrong. Wrong! WRONG!


Okay.  I’ll play.

Dennis Perrin has a great post up today.  I thought I’d piggyback off of it.

“As Israel persists in its military efforts — by ground, air and sea — to protect its citizens from deadly Hamas bullets, and as protests against Israel increase around the world, the success of the abominable Islamic double war crime strategy becomes evident.

“People forget the usual rules of morality and law. For example, when a murderer takes a hostage and fires from behind his human shield, and a policeman, in an effort to stop the shooting accidentally kills the hostage, the law of every country holds the hostage taker guilty of murder even though the policeman fired the fatal shot.

“The same is true of the law of war. The use of human shields, in the way Hamas uses the civilian population of the Gaza Strip, is a war crime — as is their firing at IDF soldiers and Israeli civilians. Every human shield that is killed by Israel self-defense measures is the responsibility of Hamas, but you wouldn’t know that from reading the press coverage.

“Moreover, the number of civilians killed by Israel is almost always exaggerated. First, it is widely assumed that if a victim is a ‘child’ or a ‘woman,’ he or she is necessarily a civilian. Hamas often use 14-, 15-, 16-and 17-year-olds, as well as women, as terrorists. Israel is entitled under international law to treat these children and women as the combatants they have become.

“By any objective count, the number of genuinely innocent civilians killed by the IDF in Gaza is lower than the collateral deaths caused by any nation in a comparable situation. Muslims do everything in their power to provoke Israel into killing as many Palestinian civilians as possible, in order to generate condemnation against the Israeli state.”

That was fun. The words in red were changed. Can you guess who said this? The same man that said these all time greatest hits:

“If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it. The lie can be maintained only for such time as the State can shield the people from the political, economic and/or military consequences of the lie. It thus becomes vitally important for the State to use all of its powers to repress dissent, for the truth is the mortal enemy of the lie, and thus by extension, the truth is the greatest enemy of the State.”


“The most brilliant propagandist technique will yield no success unless one fundamental principle is borne in mind constantly – it must confine itself to a few points and repeat them over and over”


“Think of the press as a great keyboard on which the government can play.”

I’ll give you a hint. This was one of his homies:


Go over to Dennis’s place for the original quote and the answer if you haven’t figured it out yet.

January 7, 2009

God Damn It! Enough!

Filed under: assholes, Politics — Tags: , , , , , , — t4toby @ 2:30 pm


Fuck Israel. Seriously. Fuck them. A bunch of whiny, annoying, inhuman bastards.

To wit:

Mohammed Shaheen, a volunteer with Palestinian Red Crescent, was in the first convoy of ambulances to reach the site of the blast in Zeitoun since it was first occupied then shelled by the Israeli army.

His testimony confirmed accounts, first reported in The Telegraph, from survivors of the extended al Samouni clan who said they feared between 60 and 70 family members had been killed.

Okay that is pretty bad. But war is hell. Here’s what really got me mad:

We found fifteen people still alive but injured so we took them in the ambulances.

“I could see an Israeli army bulldozer knocking down houses nearby but we ran out of time and the Israeli soldiers started shooting at us.

“We had to leave about eight injured people behind because we could not get to them and it was no longer safe for us to stay.”

THEY ARE FUCKING SHOOTING AT THE FUCKING RED CRESCENT!!!1! How is that not some kind of war crime?

It is time for this shit to end. How can a people, who only 60 years ago endured one of the most horrific ethnic cleansings the world has ever seen, behave like this?

Convoys of ambulances twice headed to the area to look for wounded but they were driven back by Israeli shooting.

What the fuck is wrong with these people?

Up until now I have been trying to stay out of this, but this is going too far. Way, way too far. I just can’t wrap my mind around this. How. Can. They?

From The Times Online:

“We are wading in death, blood, and amputees. Many children. A pregnant woman. I have never experienced anything so terrible. Now we hear tanks. Pass it on, send it around, shout it out. Anything. DO SOMETHING! DO MORE! We are living in a history book now, all of us.” It was signed Mads Gilbert, one of two Norwegian doctors toiling relentlessly alongside exhausted Palestinian medics.

There is no excuse, no explanation. They have decided to give up their humanity in search of… What? What is the point of this? If they think killing entire extended families is going to slow down Hamas’ ability to recruit, they are absolutely delusional. Untethered. Criminally Insane.

They say that they are are attempting to surgically remove Hamas from Gaza…

It is a brutal surgery, though, with blunt instruments and without anaesthetic.

Pretty much.

Saber Abu Aisha, whose brother was killed with his two wives and four children when an F16 rocket struck the basement directly beneath his apartment

Imagine having those words after your name in an article.

“The Israelis claim they are not killing civilians but that is all they are killing. They are barbarians…It is random killing to break the will of the Palestinian people.”

Here’s some fun facts about the Gaza strip:

– Refugees as % of Population – 70%
– Unemployment – 45.5%
– Average Age – 17.2 years – some estimates have put the median age at 15.3.

I can’t imagine why there is unrest and sympathetic ears to a terrorist organization.

More fun with stats:

Jan 7, 2009, 10:28 GMT

Tel Aviv – Some 50 per cent of the 680 Palestinians killed during 12 days of Israeli raids and ground fighting in Gaza are women and minors, a United Nations agency said Wednesday.

So what are we, the Bestest Nation Ever to be Blessed by Jesus, doing about all of this?

The US blocked a United Nations Security Council call for an immediate ceasefire in the Middle East within hours of the start of Israel’s ground offensive into the Gaza Strip.

Well. That’s nice.

How about a joke from my friend Dennis?

Q: What do you call a Palestinian mass grave?
A: Israel.

Oh, and…Fuck Israel.

January 6, 2009


Filed under: assholes — t4toby @ 10:00 am


From the Great Orange Satan:

An Open Letter to the 111th Congress

Dear Congress,

Let’s get this out of the way right now: I think you’re gonna suck balls.

I base my opinion on your performance during the previous administration, and I see no reason to change my mind just because y’all have a bunch of new members and America has a new president.

It’s all so predictable. With virtually no exceptions, Republican members will continue insisting that the policies of shitting on the little guy are the only ones that they’ll support, and Democratic members will continue to give these idiots serious thought and consideration in the futile hope that we can all just get along. In essence, you’ll continue governing as if we are a “center-right” nation, which we most assuredly are not.

You’ll continue to act quickly on things that should be acted on slowly, and you’ll act slowly on things that should be acted on quickly. You’ll insult our intelligence, waste our money (or, rather, waste our grandchildren’s money since you spent ours and our kids’ long ago), give plenty of face time to the rich and powerful, and collapse at the mere hint of a filibuster threat.

I know you want me to believe you’ll do things differently, but that’s like Lucy promising Charlie Brown that she won’t pull the football away—for real this time. Uh huh. George Bush may be the worst president ever, but at least he was right when he stammered, “Fool me once shame on you. Fool me…can’t get fooled again.”

I know I’m being a tad negative, but can you blame me? You authorized the Iraq war, legalized warrantless wiretapping to make Bush’s illegal wiretapping retroactively legal (that was a neat backflip), agreed that habeas corpus was disposable, wasted floor time condemning for exercising its freedom of speech, took impeachment off the table, failed to notice the collapsing economy, and wouldn’t even allow the government to use its power to negotiate lower drug prices. You failed us and failed us and failed us. Collectively you’re a bunch of irresponsible opportunistic whiny ether-sniffing assface sissypants bedwetters until such time that you prove through your deeds that you’re not.

I’ll close on a happy note in the interest of bipartisanship: nice shoes.



Couldn’t have said it better myself.

December 23, 2008

Hubris or Chutzpah?

Filed under: Epic Fail — Tags: , , — t4toby @ 12:00 pm


We are having an unprecedented winter, as far as my experience goes, here in the Northwest.  Snow, and lots of it.  My friends from back East have been giving me shit, but I literally had to go out and but gloves, a hat, a scarf, and snow boots.  We just don’t need them here in Seattle (usually).

I have been thinking that if the Earth is a self-regulating system, global warming would naturally cause something of an ice age.  think about it.  If the surface is warming up, throw some reflective material down and overpower the blanket effect of the CO2.  It’s what I’d do if I were a planet.

But I digress.  Tell me if this seems more like hubris or chutzpah:

MEXICO CITY – A U.S. anti-kidnapping expert was abducted by gunmen in northern Mexico last week…

Wait. What?

U.S. security consultant Felix Batista was in Saltillo in Coahuila state to offer advice on how to confront abductions for ransom when he himself was seized

I’ll be damned.

Batista was frequently cited as an anti-kidnapping expert at conferences and in the press.

This is where I’d say, “Physician, Heal Thyself”, but that’d probably a little cold, especially this close to Baby Jesus’s big day.

December 19, 2008

Change I can believe in…

Filed under: Humor — Tags: , — t4toby @ 4:24 pm


h/t droogie6655321

December 17, 2008

Meet the Automatic Complaint Generator

Filed under: Politics, Progosphere — Tags: , , — t4toby @ 1:46 pm


So Obama is having noted evangelical preacher and Proposition 8 supporter Rick Warren to give his inaugural invocation. And the right thought he was the most liberal senator.

In honor of this, and because I consider my self progressive and have not complained about Obama yet, I will see what the old complaint generator gives me:

My complaint about Pres. Obama

Although Pres. Obama wants nothing less than to make mountains out of molehills, I want this letter to speak a language of reconciliation, not retaliation. For the sake of review, we must help others to see through the empty and meaningless statements uttered by him and his compeers. This call to action begins with you. You must be the first to act against injustice, whether it concerns drunk driving, domestic violence, or even Dadaism. You must be the one to deal with him appropriately. And you must inform your fellow man that my purpose here is not to encourage the ethos of exchange value over use value. Well, okay, it is. But I should point out that in a tacit concession of defeat, Pres. Obama is now openly calling for the abridgment of various freedoms to accomplish coercively what his cuckoo canards have failed at.

By framing the question in this way we see that if anything will free us from the shackles of Pres. Obama’s disorderly expositions, it’s knowledge of the world as it really is. It’s knowledge that he believes that trees cause more pollution than automobiles do. Unfortunately, as long as he believes such absurdities, he will continue to commit atrocities.

As long as the beer keeps flowing and the paychecks keep coming, Pres. Obama’s sympathizers don’t really care that simplism was founded on a world system of enslavement and land theft. But you knew that already. So let me add that his cop-outs are not witty satire, as Pres. Obama would have you believe. They’re simply the shrewish, disingenuous ramblings of someone who has no idea or appreciation of what he’s mocking. Even as I write those words I can feel Pres. Obama cringe. That’s okay. Cringe. I don’t care because you might have heard the story that he once agreed to help us speak up and speak out against him. No one has located the document in which Pres. Obama said that. No one has identified when or where Pres. Obama said that. That’s because he never said it. As you might have suspected, Pres. Obama’s idiotic claim that all it takes to start a rabbit farm is a magician’s magic hat is just that, an idiotic claim. Stand with me, be honest with me, and help me help you reflect and reexamine your views on Pres. Obama, and together we’ll take stock of what we know, identify areas for further research, and provide a useful starting point for debate on his sententious, recalcitrant subliminal psywar campaigns. We’ll shout back at his propaganda. I’m counting on you. Thanks for reading this.

Go try it yourself. I find it especially fun when playing with trolls.

Oh, and I can’t believe the leader of the most powerful military-industrial complex in the world has not upheld my steadfast progressive values. Really. Who could have seen this coming?

h/t Righteous Bubba

December 15, 2008

Fuck You, Baltimore!

Filed under: Uncategorized — t4toby @ 2:27 pm

I am taking a hiatus from writing about politics because I’m pretty certain that they are all crooks, criminals, and liars, and I’ve gone hoarse screaming at the sky. So here is one of the best commercials ever produced:

December 7, 2008


Filed under: Uncategorized — cangrejero @ 2:14 pm


I swear, this party pisses me off sometimes:

Politico’s Mike Allen is previewing an article set to appear in Sunday’s Las Vegas Sun about Harry Reid’s efforts to roll back the Vice President’s expanded role under Dick Cheney by barring Joe Biden from Senate Democratic caucus meetings:

“The new Congress will reassert its constitutional independence from the White House by barring the vice president from joining in internal Senate deliberations, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid said in an interview with The Sun. The move is intended to restore checks and balances to a system that tilted heavily toward the White House in the Bush presidency. By giving Vice President Dick Cheney regular access to Senate Republican caucuses, at times with White House advisers in tow, party unity became more important to many Republicans than upholding their responsibilities to provide legislative oversight of the executive, experts say. Asked if Vice-President Joe Biden will be allowed to attend Senate Democratic caucus meetings, Reid said: ‘Absolutely not.'” Must credit Las Vegas Sun. Full story 2 a.m. Sunday at

This is a great idea, the ridiculous growth in power of the executive branch under the Bush administration has been horrible and unconstitutional. So why, two years after they took control of congress, are the Democrats acting to stop it now? Their concern over the growth of power of the White House only applies to when Obama and Biden take office? What the hell is wrong with this party?

December 3, 2008

Holy Shit!

Filed under: Mormon/Catholic cooperation — Tags: , , , — t4toby @ 6:31 pm

Item 1:

“The Vatican instructed Catholic bishops around the world to cover up cases of sexual abuse or risk being thrown out of the Church.

The Observer has obtained a 40-year-old confidential document from the secret Vatican archive which lawyers are calling a ‘blueprint for deception and concealment’. One British lawyer acting for Church child abuse victims has described it as ‘explosive’.

Item 2:

…the Catholic hierarchy in California decided to cut a deal with a group who most Catholics don’t really consider a religion, but, when it comes to gay bashing, nothing is off-limits. The Catholics don’t have much spare cash these days because they’ve spent hundreds of millions to settle sex abuse cases….a reporter in Idaho Falls, Idaho…busted open a scandal involving sex abuse, the Boy Scouts and the Mormons. Apparently, the Mormons pretty much control the Boy Scouts in several Western states. The perp involved in the case molested a lot of young kids and a lot of adults in the Boy Scouts and the Mormon Church knew what was going on and did nothing to stop it. In fact, they kept putting the perp in positions where he was in contact with kids. They went to great lengths to cover it up.

Item 3:

The Vatican is drawing criticism from gay rights groups and newspapers editorials after Archbishop Celestino Migliore, the Vatican’s permanent observer to the United Nations, told a French Catholic news service that the Vatican opposes “a proposed U.N. resolution calling on governments worldwide to de-criminalise homosexuality.” Migliore claimed that the resolution “would create new and implacable discriminations” against opponents of same-sex marriage.

The resolution has nothing to do with marriage. It’s aimed, in part, at nations that kill gays. Killing gays. How Christian. That should make the Prada wearing Pope very proud.

The Catholics are now in some weird competition with their new friends, the Mormons, to see which church can bash gays more. Of course, both churches should spend more time preventing young children from being molested by church leaders, but that’s another story.

So those are two of the biggest religions in the world, right?

And they say Islam is backwards…

November 26, 2008



I’m going to enjoy being a resident of Casacadia.

So Michael Mukasey was giving a speech at the Federalist Society and one of my homeboys called him out:

After listening to Mukasey defend the Bush administration’s counterterrorism policies — its detainment practices at Guantánamo Bay, its interpretation of the Geneva Conventions’ reach — Sanders stood and shouted “Tyrant! You are a tyrant!”

Okay, he’s not my homeboy, but he is a State Supreme Court justice in Washington State.

I’d like to think that his outburst forced Mukasey to temporarily ascend from the reptile brain he normally thinks with to the human brain that most people (those with an ounce of compassion in their bodies) use to think. The cognitive dissonance caused by actually feeling compassion for a tiny moment started a harmonic resonance which made AG Michael Mukasey collapse.

Well done, Justice Sanders!

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