Donkey Punch

October 20, 2008

Turning Ugly

Filed under: Not Funny, Politics — Tags: , , , — t4toby @ 4:06 pm

Someone slashed the tires of at least 30 vehicles parked outside the Crown Coliseum on Sunday during a rally for Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama, authorities said.

Fayetteville Observer

Two supporters of Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama found handwritten death threats in their mailboxes Thursday

Chicago Tribune

A dead bear was found dumped this morning on the Western Carolina University campus, draped with a pair of Obama campaign signs

Asheville Citizen Times

I’m afraid if Obama wins, we are in for some dark times.

July 2, 2008

My first political contribution.

Filed under: Darcy Burner, Donate, Not Funny, Politics — t4toby @ 11:19 am

I gave $25 to Darcy Burner today. This is the first time I have ever given a candidate money.

Yesterday her house burned down due to faulty wiring in a lamp in her young son’s room. The family got out alive, as well as their puppy. The cat didn’t make it.

But that isn’t why I contributed. I contributed because she is a great progressive voice, but even more because of the nasty comments trolls were leaving over at Horses’s Ass.

I really am tired of watching this country go down in flames because the ‘adults’ running the country constantly act like children. I admit I like to be silly and irreverent, but I try and maintain a modicum of decency to those around me (which is no small feat, and which I regularly fail). But as a father I feel ashamed to see our country governed by people with the psychology of children.

So if you can, drop a couple of bucks in Darcy’s tip jar. Nothing would make a wingnut more mad.

And yes, that is the shirt she was wearing when she was awakened by the flames. If you aren’t aware of all internet traditions, it means End War. Photo by Ellen M. Banner of the Seattle Times.

June 11, 2008

Eisenhower was Right.

Filed under: Not Funny, Outrage Fatigue, Politics, war, War Profiteering — t4toby @ 3:09 pm

Dwight D Eisenhower was a wise man. And a Kansan. I’m not sure which came first. But suffice to say he was very prescient about how the companies with a financial interest in war should be closely watched to make sure they don’t drum up conflict to pay their paychecks.

Take it away, BBC:

A BBC investigation estimates that around $23bn (£11.75bn) may have been lost, stolen or just not properly accounted for in Iraq.

Who could have ever predicted this?

Seems that that 23 billion dollars went missing, but all parties in cases involving the lost money are under a gag order.

In the run-up to the invasion, one of the most senior officials in charge of procurement in the Pentagon objected to a contract potentially worth $7bn that was given to Halliburton, a Texan company which used to be run by Dick Cheney before he became vice-president.

Go figure.

Henry Waxman, who chairs the House committee on oversight and government reform, said: “The money that’s gone into waste, fraud and abuse under these contracts is just so outrageous, it’s egregious.

“It may well turn out to be the largest war profiteering in history.”

If only one of our leaders had been wise enough to warn us about this.


In the councils of government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military industrial complex. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will persist.

To be fair, I guess, the Fifties were a long, long time ago…

May 14, 2008

The Truth.

Filed under: Hypocrisy, Not Funny, Politics, war — t4toby @ 9:33 am

Another one of mikey’s comments that should be read by all. The back story is that Bush claimed to give up golf for the war but then went ahead and played for awhile.

Here’s the thing.

You can give up golf. You can stand in the bright sunshine and spew platitudes and justifications.

But just as it comes to those of us who did the killing, three aye emm will come for you, Mr. President.

Oh, I know, you don’t think so. Frankly, many of your most fervent opponents think you don’t have the capacity for that kind of suffering.

But you and I? We know different, don’t we Bush? We know they come to haunt you already, and that’s will all the crimes and games and stories still in play. You’re already starting to get it. Get the pain, the horror, the guilt. You kind of understand, in a fuzzy way, that you’ve got a lot to process in your remaining years. That those nights are long and dark, and they just get longer and darker.

Some night, in a few years, you’re going to be pacing the house, angry, scared, sweating, gripping Saddam’s pistol in your hand, knowing the lies were lies and the lives were wasted.

I killed, Mr. President, at my country’s behest. In large numbers. A few nights I took more lives than you did as governor. And I pay for it, over and over again, in spite of the awards and rewards of my “grateful nation”.

My family suffered for my damage. My country suffered for my crimes, as I was unable to stop fighting a war that never ended.

You know these pains, Mr. President. You recognize the haunting guilt, the things you did, the things you could have done, the things you didn’t do. And every crime is so much greater in your case. You never held the line. You never fought to hold a perimeter, you never killed at eyeball range to keep from dying, to keep from losing your friends, to get one more goddamn hour when you are nineteen years old and you just know you don’t fucking want to die.

Oh no. You owe the devil so much more. The lives you through into the grinder, American lives, Iraqi lives, American families, Iraqi families, widows, orphans, amputees, those that died quick and those that died hard and slow.

There are those who say only you know why. But you and I know the real truth, don’t we. That there is no why. You did it because you could, and you wanted to. You can never offer up a justification because you know that ultimately, there is none. All this blood. All this horror.

Go into your dotage in peace, Mr. President. The ghouls and the souls of the dead will not allow you to sleep in peace.

And that is, I suppose, as it should be. At last, you are a veteran…


April 29, 2008


Filed under: Not Funny, Outrage Fatigue, Politics — t4toby @ 2:42 pm

Is this election almost over? Have we heard enough about dark people and manly guffaws and crooked-assed straight talkers and glass ceilings and electability and ‘My friends’ and flag pins and patriotism and Michigan and Florida and voting irregularities and internecine rancor and 100 years of war and Faux news and madrassas and HUSSEIN! and inevitability and Democrats acting like Republicans and Beltway Advisers and someone’s Reverend (certainly not the white guy’s) and polling and robocalls and dirty tricks and he-said-she-said and White-said-Black-said and dog-whistle phrases and cutting off our noses to spite our faces?

Have you heard enough? I know I have.

I would really like to hear how we are going to avoid the Second Great Depression.

I would really like to hear about not giving phone companies automatic immunity.

I would really like to hear that we are not going to bomb Iran.

I would really like to hear that we have a plan to ween ourselves of oil that doesn’t involve using valuable agricultural land.

I would really like to get back to reality.

It seems that we are mostly living our lives vicariously through media. A media that has proven again and again to be nothing more than a vapid club of cool kids clamoring for attention. We obsess over Brittney’s shaved snatch and Lindsey’s wrecked car and if Brangelina will stay together and adopt 227, 314 more rainbow colored kids while there are food riots and people predicting $200/barrel gas all headed up by possibly the most incompetent government put together since the days of the banana republics.

I have repeatedly tried to start posts only to wad the virtual page up and throw it in the trashcan of impotent outrage. What. The. Fuck.

So I decided that this presidential race is all about the Supreme Court. We cannot let McCain in the White House. Period. I don’t care how you feel about Barry or Hill. We cannot let any more retrograde conservatives that prefer the heady days before Sufferage and the abolishment of slavery to legislate morality from the highest court in the land. If McCain gets in, we will have an entire generation of terrible rulings, coupled with the outrageous affronts to our liberties already in place thanks to the current cabal in power.

So I’m less and less fond of Hillary the more she seems to be on message with McCain. But I’ll vote for a polished turd over Old Man McScarypants. But can’t we just vote tomorrow?

January 28, 2008

Unity ’08

This is what we are up against this election cycle.

As we passionately bicker about who has the best plan for ‘change’, the Rethug strategists are polishing up a couple o’ turds to perpetuate the rule of the War Profiteering Party. The more we battle over the primaries, the more the core of uninformed voters will like this option, because these clowns are so ‘Serious’.

I’m calling it Frumpy Old Men.

If these guys win the election, who wants to move to BC and start a commune?


January 25, 2008

Suck it in, Baby!

Filed under: assholes, Gay, No Class, Not Funny, Politics, Roger Stone — t4toby @ 1:50 pm


I’ve made a friend.

Yesterday, in a fit of, well, a fit, I penned these words:

I seriously want to kick this guys ass. That is not hyperbole. I want to sneak up on him and jump him in, gang style. And I’m not even a Hillary supporter.

I know, I know, how juvenile could I be? But look what I found lying in my comments section this morning:


Try it, I never met a candy ass liberal who’s ass I couldn’t kick.

Bring it on- just tell them where to pick up your body

Roger Stone

Comment by Roger Stone — January 24, 2008 @ 9:00 pm | Edit This

The comment info/whois was inconclusive, but the tone seems to fit this assclown’s modus operandi. So I thought I’d find out a little more about my new BFF Roger Stone.

Roger Stone started as a political operative for Richard Nixon at age 19. He is widely regarded as the youngest of the Watergate ‘tricksters’. (Way to hit the ground running, dogg!)

From the Weekly Standard article entitled Roger Stone, Political Animal:

He has dabbled in at least eight presidential campaigns, everything from working for Nixon’s Committee To Reelect the President (CREEP) in 1972, to helping stage the infamous 2000 Brooks Brothers Riot in Miami, where angry Republicans in loud madras shorts and pinstriped suits helped shut down the Miami recount. (Stone was directing traffic by walkie-talkie from a nearby van.)

The hits just keep coming! Seems he’s always been quite the joker when it come to acronyms.

He was also caught up in a scandal involving a swingers site, his wife, and a request for athletic men. As far as I’m concerned, that is his business, but I did glean the lead off picture of this post from that tawdry affair.

Then there’s the tat of Nixon:
I know, I know. Once you see something, it can’t be unseen. I’m sorry.

Putting aside the obvious homo erotic implications of putting a man’s face between your shoulder blades…Nixon? I’ll bet he’s a hit at Leather Night Wednesdays.

Politics is an ugly game. Roger Stone is the face of modern American politics.

January 24, 2008

Oh no, he di’int!

Via TPM Muckraker:

A couple of days ago, a group called Citizens United Not Timid filed papers with the IRS as a “527” organization.

Wha..wha..WHAT?!? This is an Onion article, right? Total parody? As my boyz from Germany say:

Sadly, No!

Roger Stone had signed on as the group’s assistant treasurer…In addition to this website being blast-emailed to hundreds of thousands of addresses…Stone is counting on T-shirt sales to further serve as “billboard education.” He figures the whole thing will end up taking on a viral nature, thanks to the yuks factor…

Yuk is right. This is beyond the pale.

I toss around curse words like they are going out of style, but come on! This shit’s like school in MLK Day.

No Class.

And who is this Roger Stone?

Do I really need to say anything? Yes, that tatoo is real. No, I’m not kidding.

Stone wants Democrats to know that “if Hillary is the nominee, a hard 527 rain is going to fall”.

I seriously want to kick this guys ass. That is not hyperbole. I want to sneak up on him and jump him in, gang style. And I’m not even a Hillary supporter.
There is something seriously wrong in this country.

October 17, 2007

Perspective is Everything.

Filed under: iraq, Not Funny, Perspective, Politics, Uncategorized, war — t4toby @ 3:10 pm


This diary is a must-read.

I won’t excerpt it. Just go read it.


Amazing chalk art by Julian Beever.

October 10, 2007

I’ve been had.

Filed under: Mea Culpa, Michael Lewis, Not Funny, Outrage Fatigue, Politics — t4toby @ 3:08 pm


Concerning yesterday’s post

Yesterday I wrote to Michael Lewis to ask if he was joking. Here’s what I said:

Is this article sarcasm? I can find nothing in your writing that indicate whether you are a heartless bastard, or a writer of terribly obvious sarcasm.

I am writing an article in which I will quote you.

You’re a journalist, so I’d appreciate honesty.

Yes, the typos were there in the original. I’m not renowned for my editing skills.

His response:

If it’s so obvious how come you can’t tell? Oh–that’s right-you’re a fool.

Fair enough. My response to his response:

I read articles very similar to this every day where the people are not kidding. There are people who regularly espouse similar beliefs. This article would be right at home on the Free Republic, Pajamas Media, Mark Steyn, Dan Riehl, etc.

You seem have a history of stock trading, and nowhere can I find (via Google) any previous attempts at humor.

The fact that you live in Berkley makes me think you must be kind of liberal, so you must find these kinds of POVs repulsive.

In this day and age, with the corporations and the ultra rich completely subjugating the masses, we don’t need any voices lending themselves to the shrieking chorus of compassionless Neanderthals.

If you don’t know what I mean, try a search for ‘Graeme Frost’.

Blasé humor was funny in the ’80s. What does it say about the world that I was ready to believe that you were serious?

In conclusion, I will note that you copped to it being a joke, and that I may have over-reacted. I guess I have read so much bile and hate that I’m losing my sense of humor. I apologize for painting you with the tar that belongs on the likes of Malkin, Limbaugh, Lowry, et al.

As far as the ‘fool’ thing goes, I guess I will never amount to the intellectual giant that you seem to think you are. C’est la vie…

So I over-reacted to this humorous column, because, as has been noted before, 9/11 signaled the death of irony. I attacked when I should have waited for the response. I was overly sensitive to the message of hate and total contempt for anyone who isn’t rich.

If you know me personally, you probably know I sometimes go off half cocked. But I gotta be me, because the alternative is oblivion.

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