Donkey Punch

December 6, 2007

Lazy Post of Someone Else’s Brilliance.

Filed under: Humor, MST3000, No!, Sadly — t4toby @ 12:29 pm


This is from the comment thread over at Sadly, No!
Nigerian Spam get’s MST3000’d

From: Sodindo Malinga
Date: Wed Nov 13, 2002 8:54:38 PM US/Eastern



(MST’ed by MacTech)

You may be surprised to receive this letter from me since you do not know me personally.

(Joel) What? Spam, from a *STRANGER*, nahhh, that *never* happens….

I am Sodindo Malinga,

(Crow) You killed my father, prepare to die…
(Servo) i love that movie, wonder when mr. Malinga will be eaten by R.O.U.S.’s…

the first son of Tawanda Malinga, the most popular black farmer in Zimbabwe who was murdered in the land dispute in my country.

(Joel) [spooky voice] and i an spamming you from beyond the grave…

I got your contact through network online hence I decided to write you. Before the death of my father, he had taken me to Johannesburg to deposit the sum of US8.6 million (Eight million, Six Hundred thousand United States dollars)

(Joel) [Dr. Evil] Eight MEEELLLIIIOON Dollars….
(Servo) after taxes, a grand total of .25¢…..

in one of the private security company, as he foresaw the looming danger in Zimbabwe

(Crow) yet he didn’t forsee his own death, hmmmm……

this money was deposited in a box as gem stones to avoid much demurrage from security company.

(Crow) [dopey voice] me like shiny things…..

This amount was meant for the purchase of new machines and chemicals for the Farms and establishment of new farms in Swaziland

(Servo) because Switzerland was too far away….

This land problem came when Zimbabwean President Mr. Robert Mugabe introduced a new Land Act Reform, wholly affecting the rich white farmers and some few black farmers,

(Joel) in other words, everyone…

and this resulted to the killing and mob action by Zimbabwean war veterans and some lunatics in the society

(Servo) like me, eep epp eep, ack, ecky ecky p’tang…..

In fact a lot of people were killed because of this Land reform Act for which my father was one of the victims.

(Joel) it’s a ghost town now….

It is against this background that, I and my family fled Zimbabwe for fear of our lives and are currently staying in the Netherlands where we are seeking political asylum

(Joel) …and stylish wooden shoes….

and more so have decided to transfer my father’s money to a more reliable foreign account.

(Crow) You know of any?

since the law of Netherlands prohibits a refugee (asylum seeker) to open any bank account or to be involved in any financial transaction throughout the territorial zone of Netherlands,

(Crow) as most refugees have no money to speak of anyway….

As the eldest son of my father, I am saddled with the responsibility of seeking a genuine foreign account where this money could be transferred without the knowledge of my government who are bent on taking everything we have got. The South African government seems to be playing along with them.

(Joel) ….and the M.I.B., the Reverse Vampires, Major league baseball, the knights who say Ni, and the aliens who are spying on us with their sattelites….

I am faced with the dilemma of moving this amount of money out of South Africa for fear of going through the same experience in future, both countries have similar political history.

(Joel) figures, all politicians are evil anyway….

As a businessman, I am Seeking for a partner who I have to entrust my Future and that of my family in his hands, I must let you know that this transaction is risk free.

(Crow) yeah, totally risk free …. yes it’s riskfree…..
(Servo) and if you believe this, i’ve got some alligator-free swampland in florida for sale, as well as the London Bridge…..

If you accept to assist me and my family, all I want you to do for me, is to make an arrangements with the security company to clear the consignment (funds) from their affiliate office here in the Netherlands

(Joel) as well as clear out the funds in your account…

as i have already given directives for the consignment to be brought to the Netherlands from South Africa. But before then all modalities will have to be put in place like change of ownership to the consignment, And more importantly this money I intend to use for Investment.

(Joel) but…but…you said you were going to *share* it with me…..
(Servo) Joel, do you humans actually *believe* this sort of thing?….

I have two options for you. Firstly you can choose to have certain percentage of the money for nominating your account for this transaction. Or you can go into partnership with me for the proper profitable investment of the money in your country.

(Crow) or, thirdly, you can ignore this entire message and dump it in the trash, personally i reccomend this route…

Whichever the option you want, feel free to notify me. I have also mapped out 5% of this money for all kinds of expenses incurred in the process of this transaction.
If you do not prefer a partnership I am willing to give you 10% of the money while the remaining 85% will be for my investment in your country.

Contact me with the above telephone number or my E-mail address while I implore you to maintain the absolute secrecy required in this transaction.

(Crow) which is why i’m sending it to *everyone*…


(Joel) but i didn’t sneeze….

Yours Faithfully,
Sodindo Malinga.
(Crow) You killed my father, prepare to die…