Donkey Punch

December 19, 2008

Change I can believe in…

Filed under: Humor — Tags: , — t4toby @ 4:24 pm

obamacowbell

h/t droogie6655321

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November 25, 2008

Why I love Sadly, No.

Filed under: Humor — Tags: , , , — t4toby @ 2:44 pm

dafydd

Because of sentences like this:

…the thought that ‘markets’ are widely supposed to be smarter than the bottom 25% of Americans, such as for instance Jersey guidos with hair mousse and four-finger rings, blank-eyed women wandering angrily through dollar stores, people who cut you off in traffic and shout incomprehensible expletives that sound like “Gawaaa!”, people who equal ass, bonk-headed yar-yar dingbrains, those who sit on their porches with earthenware jugs and mail-order guitars, singing “‘Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus” as the 20th Century struggles to free itself from the possum trap it walked into as it tried to cross their property, and people who listen to Coheed and Cambria…

reynoldsentry

June 30, 2008

About My Awareness

Let me show you:

The backstory is here.

And as to the case of all internet traditions (all of which I am aware), there’s a blog.

April 30, 2008

Lessons Learned

Filed under: Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Humor, Politics — t4toby @ 12:20 pm

One of the best bloggers out there pretty much nails it:

Things I have learned during this campaign season:

In a race that includes a former First Lady of the United States and a multimillionaire Republican senator rumored to share up to eight residences with his wife, the black guy from Chicago is unforgivably elitist.

Racism in America is caused primarily by black Chicago preachers.

The guy who keeps getting confused over the relationship between Iraq, Iran, and al Qaeda is the foreign policy expert.

The guy who goes to campaign stops on his wife’s private jet aircraft is the most down-to-earth.

The guy who changed his stance on tax cuts, Roe v. Wade, immigration, gun control, the confederate flag, torture, public financing, and his own anti-earmark rhetoric is the “straight talker”.

People in the heartland don’t like it when you call them bitter, but they do like it when you explain to them that they’re too dumb to understand issues more important than whether or not they like to be called bitter.

Arugula is the measure of a man.

Bowling is the measure of a man.

Orange juice is the measure of a man.

Flag pins are the measure of a man.

Success in Iraq consists of any reduction in violence, except when violence increases that’s good too.

A recession is only a recession if you call it one.

Bill Kristol, Sean Hannity, Bill O’Reilly, Karl Rove, Maureen Dowd, David Brooks, David Broder, Charles Krauthammer and Bob Novak are all intensely interested in giving advice to the Democratic candidates because they just want to be helpful.

There are people in this world dumb enough to believe every one of these things.

Amen, Hunter.

Bonus Hunter post:

Foreign Policy As Practiced By Seven Year Old Children

March 17, 2008

Bitch is the new black, but black is the new president, bitch. (Updated)

Filed under: Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Humor, Politics — t4toby @ 9:02 am

So sayeth Tracy Morgan

I want to know what qualifies Hillary Clinton to be the next president. Is it because she was married to the president? If that were the case then Robin Givens would be the heavyweight champion of the world.

Barack is not winning because he’s a black man. If that was the case, I would be winning. And I’m way blacker than him. I used to smoke Newports and drink Olde English. I grew up on government cheese, I prefer it.

Then we have Sinbad:

In her Iowa stump speech, Clinton also said, “We used to say in the White House that if a place is too dangerous, too small or too poor, send the First Lady.”

Say what? As Sinbad put it: “What kind of president would say, ‘Hey, man, I can’t go ’cause I might get shot so I’m going to send my wife…oh, and take a guitar player and a comedian with you.'”

He said the “scariest” part of the trip was wondering where he’d eat next. “I think the only ‘red-phone’ moment was: ‘Do we eat here or at the next place.'”

Hillary better get some funny people on her side, quick.

Update:

The title of this post was directed at Tina Fey, not Hillary Clinton.

January 21, 2008

License to Grill

Filed under: Exploding Unicorn, Humor — t4toby @ 1:31 pm

I just wanted to plug this blog I came across. Funny Stuff.

The Exploding Unicorn

January 2, 2008

Woke up in a car that was Tokyo Drifting everywhere!

Filed under: Brad Neely, Humor, Professor Brothers — t4toby @ 2:13 pm

tokyodrift.png
I would like to introduce you to the Professor Brothers:

Fliff Night, Part 1

Fliff Night, Part 2

Prisoner Christmas

Obviously, I lack the basic skillz required to embed these, but damn that Brad Neely is funny.

December 6, 2007

Lazy Post of Someone Else’s Brilliance.

Filed under: Humor, MST3000, No!, Sadly — t4toby @ 12:29 pm

mystery3000.jpg

This is from the comment thread over at Sadly, No!
Nigerian Spam get’s MST3000’d

From: Sodindo Malinga
Date: Wed Nov 13, 2002 8:54:38 PM US/Eastern
Subject: CONFIDENTIAL BUSINESS PROPOSAL.
Reply-To: sodindo1@netscape.net

0031613777023
HARLEM,
THE NETHERLANDS.

CONFIDENTIAL BUSINESS PROPOSAL.

(MST’ed by MacTech)

You may be surprised to receive this letter from me since you do not know me personally.

(Joel) What? Spam, from a *STRANGER*, nahhh, that *never* happens….

I am Sodindo Malinga,

(Crow) You killed my father, prepare to die…
(Servo) i love that movie, wonder when mr. Malinga will be eaten by R.O.U.S.’s…

the first son of Tawanda Malinga, the most popular black farmer in Zimbabwe who was murdered in the land dispute in my country.

(Joel) [spooky voice] and i an spamming you from beyond the grave…

I got your contact through network online hence I decided to write you. Before the death of my father, he had taken me to Johannesburg to deposit the sum of US8.6 million (Eight million, Six Hundred thousand United States dollars)

(Joel) [Dr. Evil] Eight MEEELLLIIIOON Dollars….
(Servo) after taxes, a grand total of .25¢…..

in one of the private security company, as he foresaw the looming danger in Zimbabwe

(Crow) yet he didn’t forsee his own death, hmmmm……

this money was deposited in a box as gem stones to avoid much demurrage from security company.

(Crow) [dopey voice] me like shiny things…..

This amount was meant for the purchase of new machines and chemicals for the Farms and establishment of new farms in Swaziland

(Servo) because Switzerland was too far away….

This land problem came when Zimbabwean President Mr. Robert Mugabe introduced a new Land Act Reform, wholly affecting the rich white farmers and some few black farmers,

(Joel) in other words, everyone…

and this resulted to the killing and mob action by Zimbabwean war veterans and some lunatics in the society

(Servo) like me, eep epp eep, ack, ecky ecky p’tang…..

In fact a lot of people were killed because of this Land reform Act for which my father was one of the victims.

(Joel) it’s a ghost town now….

It is against this background that, I and my family fled Zimbabwe for fear of our lives and are currently staying in the Netherlands where we are seeking political asylum

(Joel) …and stylish wooden shoes….

and more so have decided to transfer my father’s money to a more reliable foreign account.

(Crow) You know of any?

since the law of Netherlands prohibits a refugee (asylum seeker) to open any bank account or to be involved in any financial transaction throughout the territorial zone of Netherlands,

(Crow) as most refugees have no money to speak of anyway….

As the eldest son of my father, I am saddled with the responsibility of seeking a genuine foreign account where this money could be transferred without the knowledge of my government who are bent on taking everything we have got. The South African government seems to be playing along with them.

(Joel) ….and the M.I.B., the Reverse Vampires, Major league baseball, the knights who say Ni, and the aliens who are spying on us with their sattelites….

I am faced with the dilemma of moving this amount of money out of South Africa for fear of going through the same experience in future, both countries have similar political history.

(Joel) figures, all politicians are evil anyway….

As a businessman, I am Seeking for a partner who I have to entrust my Future and that of my family in his hands, I must let you know that this transaction is risk free.

(Crow) yeah, totally risk free …. yes it’s riskfree…..
(Servo) and if you believe this, i’ve got some alligator-free swampland in florida for sale, as well as the London Bridge…..

If you accept to assist me and my family, all I want you to do for me, is to make an arrangements with the security company to clear the consignment (funds) from their affiliate office here in the Netherlands

(Joel) as well as clear out the funds in your account…

as i have already given directives for the consignment to be brought to the Netherlands from South Africa. But before then all modalities will have to be put in place like change of ownership to the consignment, And more importantly this money I intend to use for Investment.

(Joel) but…but…you said you were going to *share* it with me…..
(Servo) Joel, do you humans actually *believe* this sort of thing?….

I have two options for you. Firstly you can choose to have certain percentage of the money for nominating your account for this transaction. Or you can go into partnership with me for the proper profitable investment of the money in your country.

(Crow) or, thirdly, you can ignore this entire message and dump it in the trash, personally i reccomend this route…

Whichever the option you want, feel free to notify me. I have also mapped out 5% of this money for all kinds of expenses incurred in the process of this transaction.
If you do not prefer a partnership I am willing to give you 10% of the money while the remaining 85% will be for my investment in your country.

Contact me with the above telephone number or my E-mail address while I implore you to maintain the absolute secrecy required in this transaction.

(Crow) which is why i’m sending it to *everyone*…

Thanks, GOD BLESS YOU

(Joel) but i didn’t sneeze….

Yours Faithfully,
Sodindo Malinga.
(Crow) You killed my father, prepare to die…