Donkey Punch

March 17, 2008

Bitch is the new black, but black is the new president, bitch. (Updated)

Filed under: Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Humor, Politics — t4toby @ 9:02 am

So sayeth Tracy Morgan

I want to know what qualifies Hillary Clinton to be the next president. Is it because she was married to the president? If that were the case then Robin Givens would be the heavyweight champion of the world.

Barack is not winning because he’s a black man. If that was the case, I would be winning. And I’m way blacker than him. I used to smoke Newports and drink Olde English. I grew up on government cheese, I prefer it.

Then we have Sinbad:

In her Iowa stump speech, Clinton also said, “We used to say in the White House that if a place is too dangerous, too small or too poor, send the First Lady.”

Say what? As Sinbad put it: “What kind of president would say, ‘Hey, man, I can’t go ’cause I might get shot so I’m going to send my wife…oh, and take a guitar player and a comedian with you.'”

He said the “scariest” part of the trip was wondering where he’d eat next. “I think the only ‘red-phone’ moment was: ‘Do we eat here or at the next place.'”

Hillary better get some funny people on her side, quick.


The title of this post was directed at Tina Fey, not Hillary Clinton.



  1. Why the need to call Hillary Clinton a bitch? It’s insulting. Why is this acceptable? Obama preaches (yes, that word) bipartisanship and unity. Then his supporters call Clinton a bitch. How is unifying anyone? It shows a huge disrespect for women, no matter what color. I have no problems if someone wants to criticize Clinton on her substance, but I am tired of name-calling.

    Here’s what I think qualifies Clinton to be president: Years as a top-ten rated attorney (Obama can also claim legal experience, so I am not saying this is exclusive to her); two terms as a U.S. senator where she sponsored or co-sponsored hundred of bills; being “First Lady” in Arkansas and the U.S. but only because she used that time to gain experience. If she were a hands-off first lady, then I would say that time meant nothing, but she wasn’t. Moreover, she has been involved in politics since she was a law student at Yale, if not before. She is smart and has formed policy statements about her views that everyone is free to read. There may be people more qualified than Clinton or Obama. If I look at the resume of Joe Biden, it’s pretty impressive. But Joe Biden can’t get elected.

    Comment by 1dumblonde — March 17, 2008 @ 9:28 am

  2. Here’s a joke I made up.

    Bill Clinton angered a lot of black folks down in SC before the primaries there, so in Mississippi he changed his tactics. He laid low, said little. Tried to be more conciliatory. In fact, all he said was “You niggaz better get out there and vote for my bitch yo.”

    Needs work. – t4

    Comment by grindchopblend — March 17, 2008 @ 9:52 am

  3. I clarified the title of the post above. I have said before that I endorse neither Dem candidate.

    The point of this post was to point out that Hillary needs more funny people on her side.

    I will vote for the Democratic nominee this year, regardless of the Primary outcome.

    Comment by t4toby — March 17, 2008 @ 9:52 am

  4. I stand by my joke. At least it’s original.

    Comment by grindchopblend — March 17, 2008 @ 10:35 am

  5. I think the form is what needs work. The set-up is sloppy.

    Comment by t4toby — March 17, 2008 @ 11:58 am

  6. trutle. i lifted it loosely from an NPR report where I just added the quote. but enough about that….. you’ll not find me calling Hils a bitch. but really. i’m not funny and i’m not on her side so it’s all moot to me!

    Comment by grindchopblend — March 17, 2008 @ 12:33 pm

  7. I never called Hillary a bitch, and neither did Tracy Morgan. Jeez!

    Comment by t4toby — March 17, 2008 @ 12:35 pm

  8. Hilarious. And I like the title of your blog too.

    Comment by KUT — March 17, 2008 @ 3:28 pm

  9. sorry that was the wrong link.. here’s the right one

    Comment by grindchopblend — March 17, 2008 @ 9:33 pm

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