Donkey Punch

March 28, 2008

Well Said.

Filed under: Fail, iraq, Politics, Who is IOZ? — t4toby @ 8:23 am


People who supported the invasion of Iraq were fatuous, bloodthirsty, ahistorical, immoral, politically naive, callous, unthinking, reprehensible morons–to the man. The proper attitude is contrition, silence, and contemplation. Making a gaudy spectacle of having “supported” something so awful, even if only to show how smart you were to change your mind when you noticed things going south, is disgusting.

Who is IOZ? nails it.

March 25, 2008

Righteous Mea Culpa (updated)

Filed under: Jim Henley, John Cole, John McCain, Mea Culpa, Mike Huckabee — t4toby @ 12:21 pm


John Cole over at Balloon Juice is a rare kind of bird. He is funny and intelligent, and was a dyed-in-the wool Republican until about a year ago.
Here is what he has to say about being a full throated supporter of the Iraq invasion and occupation:

I was wrong about EVERY. GOD. DAMNED. THING. It is amazing I could tie my shoes in 2001-2004. If you took all the wrongness I generated, put it together and compacted it and processed it, there would be enough concentrated stupid to fuel three hundred years of Weekly Standard journals.

That’s the way you own up to your own shortcomings. You don’t mince words, you don’t equivocate, you just admit that you are wrong. I don’t know of any other of the rabid supporters of George and Dick’s Excellent Invasion that have the balls to own up to the fact that they were wrong about this war all along.

Cole is nice enough to point us to Jim Henley over at Unqualified Offerings. Apparently, he was right all along.


Mike Huckabee shows more acumen than most over the Obama-Wright controversy:

About delivering a sermon:

Many times those were statements lifted out of the context of a larger sermon. Sermons, after all, are rarely written word for word by pastors like Reverend Wright, who are delivering them extemporaneously, and caught up in the emotion of the moment. There are things that sometimes get said, that if you put them on paper and looked at them in print, you’d say “Well, I didn’t mean to say it quite like that.

About being black and angry:

As easy as it is for those of us who are white, to look back and say “That’s a terrible statement!”…I grew up in a very segregated south. And I think that you have to cut some slack — and I’m gonna be probably the only Conservative in America who’s gonna say something like this, but I’m just tellin’ you — we’ve gotta cut some slack to people who grew up being called names, being told “you have to sit in the balcony when you go to the movie. You have to go to the back door to go into the restaurant. And you can’t sit out there with everyone else. There’s a separate waiting room in the doctor’s office. Here’s where you sit on the bus…” And you know what? Sometimes people do have a chip on their shoulder and resentment. And you have to just say, I probably would too. I probably would too. In fact, I may have had more of a chip on my shoulder had it been me.

Can we trade in one old, worn out McCain model for a slighty bananas Mike Huckabee? I’ll take overly religious over completely clueless almost every time. At least it sounds like Huckabee has a little bit of compassion in him. McCain? Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb Iran…

March 24, 2008

A Case Study

Filed under: Abu Ghraib, Dick Cheney, Fail, GWOT, impeach, Politics, War on Drugs, War on Terror — t4toby @ 1:45 pm


From the Victorville, CA Daily Press:

With candy sales banned on school campuses, sugar pushers are the latest trend at local schools.

Where have I heard about this kind of thing before?

“It’s created a little underground economy, with businessmen selling everything from a pack of skittles to an energy drink.”

So on one hand in this country, we seek to control the base impulses of our fellow Americans. On the other hand, we have this infinite faith that capitalism is the solution to all problems. It certainly solves problems involving supply and demand.

This has become a lucrative business… and those kids are walking around campus with upwards of $40 in their pockets and disrupting class to make a sale.

I find it most funny that it often seems that the people who want to control our behavior so much (Conservative Christians) are political allies with the Free Market cheerleaders. Strange bedfellows, indeed.

Our War in Iraq is a complete travesty. It is like some think-tank ass hat decided, “Hey, the War on Drugs is going so well, maybe we should have a war on some kind of warfare tactic. Let’s see…War on Attacking the Flank? Too wordy. War on Salting the Earth? Too outdated. War on Terror! Perfect!”

Terrorism is a tactic that is part of asymetrical warfare, to be defined by the side having the upper hand. So when George Washington rebelled, he was a Terrorist to the British, but a hero to the Americans. When an Imperial power declares war on a tactic that it gets to determine…well, you get what you get.


Both wars are ridiculous on their face. War on Drugs Except the Kind That Have High Paid Lobbyists is more like it. The War on Terror or Anything Darkies Do That We Don’t Like is a tiny bit more accurate.

Both are criminal wastes of our time, energy, and money.

At this crucial junction in history…

Filed under: Easter Bunny, George Bush is an Idiot, Politics — t4toby @ 11:54 am

…this is the man holding the steering wheel:

(Thanks, sis.)

March 19, 2008

Happy Anniversary! (Updated)

Filed under: 5 Year Anniversary, Eternal War, Fail, Fuck!, GWOT, iraq, Iraq Blogswarm, Politics — t4toby @ 9:11 am


5 years. We’ve been occupying Iraq for five years.

5 years of Mission Accomplished.

5 years of raining terror down on the populace.

5 years of further alienating the Arab world.

5 years of hemorrhaging money.

5 years of lawless contractors.

5 years of administration that refuses to be honest.

5 years of refusing to own up to our failures.

5 years of false pretenses and obfuscation.

5 years of an illegal, immoral war. In our name.

In my name.

In your name.

5 years.


In honor of our bullshit war, check out this blogswarm against the Iraq war.

Update: Read the real deal when it comes to perspective and the Iraq War.  Seriously. Go read it.

March 18, 2008

Poetic Justice

Filed under: Bed Bugs, Bill O'Reilly, Fox News — t4toby @ 1:37 pm


via nightjar from the NYT:

Bedbugs at Fox News

While grappling with MSNBC and CNN for viewers, Fox News has also been battling a smaller, more insidious enemy closer to home: bed bugs in its Midtown Manhattan newsroom.


the cable channel had realized it had a problem a few weeks ago, when an employee “caught a bug and showed it to us.”


…the exterminator inspected the homes of about 20 employees…the exterminator later described one employee’s home as having “the worst infestation he had seen in 25 years in the business.”

Any word on whether bed bugs are attracted to loofahs or falafels? Because I’m pretty sure I know which employee was the dirty bastard.


Above: These aren’t the worst things they found in O’Reilly’s bed, believe us!

March 17, 2008

Bitch is the new black, but black is the new president, bitch. (Updated)

Filed under: Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Humor, Politics — t4toby @ 9:02 am

So sayeth Tracy Morgan

I want to know what qualifies Hillary Clinton to be the next president. Is it because she was married to the president? If that were the case then Robin Givens would be the heavyweight champion of the world.

Barack is not winning because he’s a black man. If that was the case, I would be winning. And I’m way blacker than him. I used to smoke Newports and drink Olde English. I grew up on government cheese, I prefer it.

Then we have Sinbad:

In her Iowa stump speech, Clinton also said, “We used to say in the White House that if a place is too dangerous, too small or too poor, send the First Lady.”

Say what? As Sinbad put it: “What kind of president would say, ‘Hey, man, I can’t go ’cause I might get shot so I’m going to send my wife…oh, and take a guitar player and a comedian with you.'”

He said the “scariest” part of the trip was wondering where he’d eat next. “I think the only ‘red-phone’ moment was: ‘Do we eat here or at the next place.'”

Hillary better get some funny people on her side, quick.


The title of this post was directed at Tina Fey, not Hillary Clinton.

March 13, 2008

Over it.

Filed under: Politics — t4toby @ 2:24 pm


I’m already over this presidential race. Hillary has proven to be about the worst judge of character in politics. Obama is heavy on rhetoric, but is an unknown quantity. John McCain is one scary-ass old man.

Whatever. I’m going to spend more time renovating my new house and less time paying attention to the World’s Biggest, Shiniest Popularity Contest.

I’m hoping to get a computer at said new house, so I may be able to blog free of the confines of work. We’ll see.

In the meantime, if you like George Bush, you’ll love John McCain.

Capisce?  kthxbai.

March 10, 2008

Hillary Clinton is the Nader2000 of 2008.

Filed under: Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Politics — t4toby @ 10:19 am


So my last post generated some controversy.

<clutchpeals>How could I suggest that Barack Obama volunteer for the VP slot?</clutchpearls>

Here’s how I came up with that crazy thought:

  • Hillary will stop at nothing(even tearing the Democrats asunder) to obtain the nomination.
  • Fighting amongst ourselves only plays into the Republicans’ hand.
  • Barack is posturing himself as some kind of visionary.
  • Visionaries tend to place strategic thinking over petty squabbling.
  • Combining forces with Hillary would allow us to use our resources against John McCrank McCain instead of using them to give the Yellow Elephants ‘aid and comfort’.
  • Hillary will stop at nothing(even tearing the Democrats asunder) to obtain the nomination.

I proposed that Barack volunteer in keeping with the ‘Keep you friends close, Keep your enemies closer’ plan. It is called strategy.

What worries me most is that the Obama camp doesn’t seem to have any flexibility in its plan of attack. St. Obama must be president, or else. Forget about long-term viability of the Democratic party. Forget that the true enemy here (Rethugs) have a long history of dirty tricks and gamed votes. Forget that saying you are all for negotiations, except when it comes to the biggest popularity contest on Earth. Just install Obama as President.

Strategy, people. This is no joke, no small thing. Hillary has the Inside-the-Beltway crowd firmly in her camp. Obama has the erstwhile Chicago machine in his camp. This is like two prohibition era gangs battling for the entire US’s black market liquor sales. Except that if these two mortally wound each other, aliens from planet Whogivesashit will continue to rape, rob and pillage our country.

Hillary will hold on until the convention with the intention of trying to slice away just enough superdelegate votes to get her in. Obama will continue to push back. And Old MAn McCain will laugh all the way to the bank.

It seems that the Democrats in this country are trying to make “Snatching Defeat from the Jaws of Victory®” their permanent slogan .

March 6, 2008

What’s good for the goose…. (Updated)(And Again)

Filed under: Barack Obama, Democrats, Fail, Hillary Clinton, Politics — t4toby @ 9:20 am



The Democrats are at it again. We have a historic chance to completely destroy the Republican brand and what are we doing? Fighting amongst ourselves.

Hillary and Barack are raising a combined $70 million a month, and for what? To blow it fighting each other. When there is not that much difference between the two.

Meanwhile, Old Man McCain gets much needed rest while the Dems ‘Go Negative’ on each other, alienating anyone who isn’t fanatical about their choice.

Last night I heard on NPR that if Hillary gets the nomination, 10% of Obama’s supporters have said they would vote for John McCain. If Obama gets the nod, 25% of the Hillary supporters are thinking of putting John McCrankpants in office.


This is the same bullshit that has hampered any real progressive changes in this country. Ego. What is it with liberals and their precious egos? Is it that hard to figure out that if one of the major Dem candidates voluntarily accepted the VP position, we could turn our guns toward our actual enemies? But this isn’t about what is best for the country. This is about one of these opportunist politicians winning. Period.

The anger directed at me by many Dems because I had the temerity to vote for Ralph Nader in 2000 is just a glimpse of the bad blood that is brewing between the two factions of the Democratic party. The well is being poisoned by the leaders we are looking to for guidance.

$70 million a month. That’s over $400 million by election time that could be used to trounce the Republicans. $400 million to try to set this country back on track. $400 million that they’d rather piss away in this vanity contest.

President McCain. Get used to the sound. Four more years of Bush League Bullshit. Because unless someone starts acting like an adult, that is the natural end of this circular firing squad we call a party.

Until last night, I was getting comfortable with accepting Obama as my choice. Now I think he has a unique historical opportunity to put his money where his mouth is:

Concede victory to Hillary, Barack. Show us that you really are a visionary thinker by thinking twenty years ahead, not seven months. Hillary’s getting old, let her have her shot. You can make a lot of huge changes by starting out as VP. Prove to the country that you are above all the petty politics. There is plenty of time to do what’s right.


So a couple of commenters have pointed out that the nomination is his. I agree. That is why it would be such a powerful statement to put the needs of the country ahead of personal ambition. And it would virtually guarantee that he would be elected president at a future date.

I repeat – The coming internecine war only serves to boost the Rethuglicans. Between the already in-place voter fraud machine and this infighting, McCain has a real chance. I can hear you laughing, but I’m serious.

Double Update:

Clinton raised $36 million, and Obama raised $55 million in February.

So now were in excess of $500 million that is about to be pissed away.

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